2 bags of apple spice, 2 bags of mulling spice, some sugar--will calm you down.

I couldn't sleep. I kicked and turned around my bed, disheveling my blankets and perturbing my cat, who showed his annoyance by swatting at my hair with every position change. I got a text from my mom near 2 a.m. telling me goodnight--a random but perfectly timed gesture. She recommend I make cider tea to help me sleep: "two bags of apple spice, two bags of mulling spice, some sugar-- will calm you down." And so the blogging commenced in an attempt to ease my running thoughts into submission.

The Other Morning.

I was heading to Bottega Louie to grab a coffee and a black current macaroon. when I spotted a man jogging along 7th street--he was chasing God. Literally. "I can't keep up! Wait up!" he'd shout. Then, "God! Lemme talk with you a second!" Not such a very strange sight for downtown--I mean between Birdman and Lady Opera (two of my personal favorite homeless characters), nothing surprises me too much. He stopped running and I ended up next to him as I awaited the crosswalk. "I can't--can't catch him" he said to no one in particular-- "Just wanna talk..." Well, I really didn't have time for what I was about to do--but that's exactly why I did it. And I turned and asked if he'd grab some coffee with me. Perhaps a bit taken aback, he took a deep breath and thoughtfully replied, "Thank you ma'am, but I'm busy--see?" And he pointed up in the sky towards nothing. I nodded, the light changed, and we crossed the street. The man began to jog again, yelling at the sky. I named him Forrest Gump.

Forrest Gump didn't open my eyes to anything astonishing. He didn't change or challenge my opinions, didn't teach me a significant life lesson. But he stayed on my mind. I then began to see how such a small event actually did make a significant impact on me and how any moment, big or small, is a chance to make an impact on someone or something. Now, Forrest Gump wasn't trying and I think that made it all the more powerful. Perhaps, one day, I will try chasing sound, or energy, or something--see where it takes me. See if I catch it. I hope Forrest Gump caught up to God. I think maybe he had something important to say.

"You've Got To Hide Your Love Away"

(Eddie Vedder version)

Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
If she's gone I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small

Everywhere people stare
Each and every day
I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say

Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away

How can I even try
I can never win
Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in

How could she say to me
Love will find a way
Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say

Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away

Downtown Dearest: Stop Pissing On My Ally Door Entrance.

Let's catch you up, yes?  

1.) I moved to downtown Los Angeles (where before I was in a suburban, quaint neighborhood called the Miracle Mile District).

There's so much to say about living downtown--it is another world all together.  I could write pages alone on the types of people I've met--so many young artists swarming the lofts and we all look at each other, strangers all of us, like we know some big secret.  It's like we were all drawn here by some giant wizard and we're about to take part in an enormous electric daisy carnival-esque rave of life. Y

Yeah, maybe it sounds a bit out there, I know, I think so too but the kids downtown would not!  It's a beautiful thing.  

And maybe it is a giant secret because the city--it's shitty looking.  Skid Row is two blocks and a skip left of my building.  There are druggies, screaming homeless bickering and urinating bums on every corner and in every ally.  Rats the size of my cat scamper back and forth from the overflowing dumpsters piled with the worst smelling trash I've ever come across in my life.  Urine and feces decorate the streets more commonly than I'd like to acknowledge.  You take a shower, step outside, and you're covered in dirt.  I am scared for my life after 9 PM--if I want to walk down a few blocks to Seven-Eleven--I cannot alone.  Most people cannot, actually.  English magazines are very difficult to find and speaking english in general is rather a lost cause.  One way streets are a bitch....So what is the "secret" we young people are all excited about?  We don't know!  That's what's so awesome!  I guess we all wonder what the hell we're doing down here...but upon exploring, we've found there is an entire playground expecting us!  Trendy, painfully posh clubs, lounges and restaurants have begun to rise out of the most atrocious abandoned buildings.  During the day--these old, boarded up, dingy spaces are dormant but come nightfall a red rope sneaks into position and a queue of Chanel purses, Jimmy Choo stilettos and Chloe skirts with Prada overcoats forms in the shadows of the flickering street lamps--one red rope after another and further into the night the streets, usually filled with bums are fill-

ed with dashing couples straight out of a 1920's movie about Speakeasy's and flappers.  And then, if the artist types don't feel like dressing up--it's unneeded anyway since every loft

 building is flooded with Loft parties and young hippsters hanging off the fire escapes, floating music, waving cigarets and lounging from roof top pool to roof top pool.  

...Downtown is too cool for me.  

My loft is too cool for me.  I'd post pictures...or I will soon but I can't find my stupid camera cord right now--I'm living in an excessively large industrial space...out of poorly marked, sporadically packed boxes that are scattered throughout three floors.  It's tough to be on time in the mornings when your underwear is in one box, your socks are in another box the floor below, your shoes are back upstairs in a bag somewhere and then your shorts are in one of four boxes marked "pants" all the way on the first floor.  

Alright--so this first blog is to kick of a series of blogs titled "Dear Downtown: (blank)" where I'll be documenting how the move is going or writing up any unusual adventures.  

Two to look for next: 

"Downtown Dearest:' The Heist'"

"Downtown Dearest: Flying Couches and Sweating Bears"

Final note--Marjorie came to stay with me in my new place!  We went to a movie at the Grove and dinner and she stayed the night and we went to Disneyland the next day before I sadly took her back to her parent's home so she can return to SanFran today.  One year.  She graduates in one year and then I'll have a roommate to share in these adventures!  

When you're alone

And life is making you lonely,

You can always go downtown

When you've got worries,

All the noise and the hurry

Seems to help, I know, downtown

Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city

Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty

How can you lose?

The lights are much brighter there

You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go

Downtown, things'll be great when you're

Downtown, no finer place for sure,

Downtown, everything's waiting for you

(Downtown)

Don't hang around

And let your problems surround you

There are movie shows downtown

Maybe you know

Some little places to go to

Where they never close downtown

Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossanova

You'll be dancing with 'em too before the night is over

Happy again

The lights are much brighter there

You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares and go

Downtown where all the lights are bright,

Downtown, waiting for you tonight,

Downtown, you're gonna be alright now

(Downtown downtown)

Downtown

(Downtown)

And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you

Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to

Guide them along

So, maybe I'll see you there

We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares and go

Downtown, things'll be great when you're

Downtown, don't wait a minute more,

Downtown, everything's waiting for you

Downtown (downtown) downtown (downtown)

Downtown (downtown) downtown (downtown)

(repeat and fade out)

peace.  

THIS IS IMPORTANT. ZOMBIES MAY ATTACK. www.iamnotinfected.com for survival tips.

Random little note--of you are a fan of any of the following--please become obsessed (like myself) with this webseries: iamnotinfected.com

A.) Zombies.

B.) Hot guys.

C.) Hot girl.

D.) America's Next Top Model.

E.) Laughing endlessly. 

Put it all together and shake it up--a group of very hot, very talented guys, killing zombies while filming a reality show about it.  And they recently added a very hot girl who is obsessed with America's Next Top Model, so--it's like, the total package.  

Support it, check it out, blog about it, facebook it--share it with your friends.  It's a big deal.  And it's awesome!!

Here it is again...incase you missed it above:

www.iamnotinfected.com

CONTINUUM

You might have thought, "wow, Analeigh kind of sucks as a blogger...and what is with her random twittering?  Don't get me started on her facebook status updates and girl sucks all together with myspace..."   And, well, honestly I agree with all of that.  I've been writing non stop lately, but privately and my blog has been quite neglected.  Like my fish. But on to why...

My life has ultimately taken a left hand turn, in front of oncoming traffic ready to wipe me out at any point no less.  So, where does one begin--such change, such change.  Perhaps I'll start with the big news and break it down from there, that way, ya'll can skip out after it stops being interesting knowing the rest is uncharted and probably useless ranting.  Look, I'll make it super simple to follow along: 

[1] MODELING (o.m.g. what?  Analeigh is modeling again? Wha..?) 

[2]ACTING (o.m.g wait a sec...Analeigh can act?  I swear I saw her on T.V. once....)

[3] RELATIONSHIPS (O.M.G. Analeigh and her personal life...oh ma--I so think she should date that one guy from Gossip Girl what's his face...) 

[4] SMALL BUT MAJOR CHANGES (...should I say omg?  What does this even mean...small but--wha?)

[5] TWITTER NOTE: (...I follow her on twitter.  OMG she never updates and when she does it doesn't make sense!  Not like John Mayer's inspirational updates....he's so hot...)

1. MODELING

I signed with FORD, Los Angeles, monday (June 15th).  Three year contract.  I'll admit I'm kind of stoked that I get to say, "yeah, I'm a FORD model..."  Yes.  Some of you may be utterly confused because I took the "not-so-much-the-model" stance, but I need money and I rather make it doing something that's fun and creative and that I enjoy.  Since monday, I've been going non stop.  Go-see's, castings, test shoots, meetings, etc.  I've driven so much.  My poor milage will shoot up faster than I can empty a jar of Nutella.  So, that's probably the most exciting news for those of you kind enough to support me through Top Model and follow the ups and downs of my career thus far.  Thanks for hanging in there--I'll have some test shots up as they come.  *To add to this because I actually have been writing this current blog over a period of time so, to update on modeling...sooo many go-sees.  My poor dog is alone in my apartment all day because I'm driving all day from location to location or shooting all day.  This past fourth of July weekend, par example, I had a test shoot Friday evening and then another shoot Sunday.  And I think I will be testing a few more times this week.  I think, and this sounds ridiculous I know but hear me out, I think the difficult thing about modeling is that you can never really "let go" after work.  Like, you can't go out and party or celebrate with tons of unhealthy food or not sleep because you have to look rested and bright and in tip-top shape all the time and if you do "let go" and you get a call the next morning about a shoot--it sucks.  Okay--but everything else rocks. I'm not complaining in the least--it's more a vocalized realization.  Onward.  

2. ACTING

"YOU'RE NOT A PERSON IF YOU'RE NOT ACTING"

..funny skit.  Go with it. 

(And the font--it's big and bright on purpose because it's a big deal)

I will be staying in Los Angeles because acting is everything I want to do.  I'd fallen in love with it loooong ago but never admitted it and now I'm coming out of my "actors closet" screaming with all my lung power--I love this job.  I love it.  I love everything about it as much as it pushes me, challenges me, tests my patience constantly...it's worth it.  I want to live it.  Acting is like laying in a vacant field with sunshine washing over every touchable surface of your skin while listening to the most transcending music.  It's transcending. Gah.  Screw fame--there's something so personal about putting yourself into this other world and creating a universe amongst other artists alike.  Okay, but I'll admit--things are slow.  I'm under the radar right now and that's never exactly awesome.  I'm hanging in there.  I've got to.  I hope something will click soon, of course.  My theatrical (and commercial) agency, Abrams Artist, has been nothing but wonderful, patiently awaiting for me to land something, and all the while being incredibly supportive and uplifting.  It's easy to get down after this long of a dry spell.  Coincidentally, FORD is in the same building as Abrams and they share clients.  It's works out beautifully.  

You might be saying: "Okay, but what's the change?"  Well...I just thought I'd share my overwhelming passion with you all.  I hope you feel this strongly about something in your life as well.  It's exciting.  Be excited.  Don't let things kill your steam.  I've almost let that happen and dude, not good.  Power through it.  You got that shit.  Say it out loud.  Or I'll taser you.  

3. Relationships

...I have nothing witty to write here. 

I'm not so sure what I actually was thinking when I made this subcategory.  Well, this is awkward  ::*Analeigh stares at keyboard for ten minutes*::  Um.  I'm single.  For the first time in like...ages.  And not single in the bad way single.  Single in the like "hey, ca-ching, single baby"...you know like. "I'm freeee."  Now, what do single girls in L.A. actually do?  Am I supposed to meet people now?  Well, I kind of like playing it single.  Dating here and there...it's funny even my train of thought has shifted immensely.  Men are always on my mind now but they kind of drive me crazy like, "Ah..he's kind of cute.  I bet he requires time....I don't want a relationship.  He probably has a girlfriend...not that I care, I don't want to even date him.  I might flirt a little.  Oh, he's super sweet.  And nice, I bet we'd look cute together.  Oh my god what am I saying--I bet he's needy.  Ew, yeah, I bet that's it--he's needy.  I can't handle boys right now..ooh, there's another hot one......." It's like--Analeigh, really, child, chill.  I'm like a child unleashed for the first time at a candy store and instead of being like "Yipee!" I'm like "Um...okay, cool, right?  No.  No--I don't think I like lemon heads and I don't even care to try the gummy bears"  I talk myself out of everything.  My excuse?  I need to carve my own path right now and I want to handle my life my own way with no responsibility to a relationship.  And the truth? I'm scared shitless of being hurt.  

...So, I won't let myself.  Simple and sad as that.  I've given it thought--did some research.  I prefer to put my love into a cause, into a group of people needing care and compassion and endless love.  I'm good at that.  I can be alone and do that.  I prefer alone.  I can get my life accomplished.  Wow-- I've been such an emotional git lately.  

Actually.  I am dating someone.  A fellow actor/zombie killer.  But he's dating Taylor Swift too so I need to step up my game...hitch a date with a professional soccer player--anyone notice how beautiful male soccer players are?  I mean really. 

4. Small but Major Changes

"Waiting...waiting on the world to change"

I'm going to make this section fast and simple because, to be honest I could type about some of these things for hours on end but my fingers are cramping.  

A.) I'm starting a non-profit organization, something that takes time, passion, and dedication.  Especially in the beginning phases--filing my 501 (c)(3) forms and tax papers and writing up financial books properly and taking hours and getting a team together and worrying about the size and success of the project and lord, it's very lonely but hopefully, after the summer I'll have a team up and ready to work with me.  If you are a creative, imaginative person with some background in non-profit work--or are seeking more information about this project that I am not yet releasing info about, hit me up at ifreeemma@gmail.com.  This is not a fan mail email, it is strictly for business so please, only volunteering inquiries.  

B.) I'm moving.  There will be an enormous blog about this soon.  And video.  It's quite the adventure.  

C.) What does everyone think about a small webseries?  A spoof on the life after a reality show--like, someone who never was able to transition back into real life and still believes (and needs) to be on a reality show to survive everyday life.  I thought I'd try something like that--actually go about my regular day but film random pieces in "reality-show mode" and it'd be silly and cheesy but, you tell me--would you check it out?  

5. Twitter Note

"tweet"

If you follow me on twitter (awnie is my twitter username)....

....I am sorry.  I am so lame when it comes to twitter.  I usually am talking with my family so if my updates are completely mysterious and jumbled and irrelevant to anything--well, I'm probably responding to my parents or sister :)  Thanks for following even still!

 

 

I'll skip a witty title: It's been a different past few weeks.

I'm sorry I have not posted in a while.  It's actually a good thing--means I'm getting out more :)  

The last two weeks have been a bit hectic: my online class started, political science, which usually steals my available internet time and/or writing time.  The text book is quite dense, but interesting at least.  Free writing, I love, but apparently I'm not so hot at debating current or past global issues while supporting my answers with "perspectives" and the "levels of analysis".  Nope.  No good at all, according to the recent feedback from my professor.  And I'm certainly not bitter in the least.  Hmph.  

Also, last week I took a trip to San Francisco for the weekend, then heading to my intentional destination, Sacramento, to take care of family what's its.  I've written a post on this trip but it is saved on another computer.  I'll post it next.  

And finally, my night was thrown off when my mother called me from Sacramento--"Pamela Smith," she said, a bit shakily, "passed away yesterday.  In her sleep.  You need to call the family".  Oh.  And I cried.  Because I didn't really know how to react--I suppose tears are a normal reaction.  She was like... another mother to me when I was younger.  I have had really only two "second mothers" in my life--Juliana, my skating coach, being my primary "2nd mother" and Pam being another.  I did pairs skating with her son, and her daughter was my best friend.  I lived with them, they took care of me--she took care of me.  A truly beautiful, sweet, angelic woman.  She is most certainly receiving the most glorious wings as we speak.  Even still,  I have not slept well tonight.  

So again, the last two weeks have been a bit out of my usual routine and I apologize to those of you who stay active in reading my posts.  I will try to stay equally active in posting now that I am home again.  

I Can't Title This One.

Trees.  Such a perfect analogy for life.  Unoriginal, perhaps, but when something is just that good--it's hard to respond uniquely.  And a tree analogy is right on.  

Just the smallest, most insignificant seed--its' fate is so delicate...so unstable.  A simple shift of wind could destroy or spare it's future.  

So few actually make it, actually find bearable conditions to begin its' long climb upwards.  And that little seed, with the proper surroundings and elements attending unknowingly to the little seed's success, sprouts!  It bursts with the most beautiful, pure form of will!  Those little roots grip, desperately, to the foundation of its' new home--completely ignorant of of the exclusive challenges of the environment it now faces.

Passionate as the last breath of life is the seedling in its' effort to break through Earth--taste the first ray of freedom.  And so much chaos it awaits!  Will it recieve love and attention?  Will it be paved over, ignored and forgotten?  Will it die, cold, from lack of sun?  Will its' growth be constrained or stunt by the local projects?  Will it be able to serve its' purpose...or will it not matter at all?  

And through the years, each season the seedling, now a tree, grows and expands in complexity--forever reaching to push the skies further, the refine its' shape and add the the foundation of its' core.  The tree becomes strong, becomes wise--out smarting power-lines, paved side walks and unnecessary "trims".  It heals--but only from pain that could damage...but it keeps in bold memory the carvings of lovers in its' trunk--having endured the pain to understand its' love.  

The old tree sheds its' leaves, it's annually collected lessons, to make room for fresh and new life--always keeping things exciting, this old tree.  Perhaps it will bare fruit, or nuts, or flowers--in any case, it will inevitably make an impact in whatever it bares, on some even very small level.  

When the tree has met it's time, has seen life, lived, appreciated, and contributed to it--the old tree will release the last of its' life's work, and slowly decay back into the earth of which it came.  One can only hope for such a peaceful, serene end.  

We take life for granted.  No, I see some of you shaking your head in disagreement, but we do.  And it's very difficult not to.  There is so much involved with living.  It is so...difficult.  We will never truly appreciate it perhaps--and for those of you who truly do appreciate it, I am honestly sorry for what you must have lived through to get there.  Ignorance can be bliss, yes, but in a way, I am envious of those who can clearly see all of life's splendors, even knowing the pain the preceded it.  

Bon Iver.  Re: Stacks.  

(Musician.  Song.--look into it, very much worth doing so.)

Childishly Sophisticated Easter Day

Easter is amongst my favorite holidays--Thanksgiving being the top favorite. But Easter has always been special in my home. You see, I have the most incredible mother who made sure every Easter morning was magical, and a hard-working father who made that possible. Really, Easter hasn’t changed too much since I was little and it went as such:

First one awake, unfortunately, since it only made me have to wait longer for Whitney, Mom and Dad to wake-up. I’d sneak down the stairs and peak at the living room couch--two white baskets were skillfully placed on either side of the couch, both overflowing with candy, chocolate, presents and Easter bunnies. I’d smile in delight as if it were the biggest surprise every time. If I were really daring, I’d tip-toe up to my basket and gently dig around, feeling the packages. Next, I’d try to get a head start on the egg hunt. Being the younger sister, I was always a few steps behind Whitney--who managed to win every single egg hunt (and the year I finally won was the last year we ever had one, psh, go firgure). Nearly two hundred plastic eggs, filled with coins or candy, were hidden on the first and second floor of the house. While peeping for eggs, I’d try to pull together some game plan (which, upon the race, I’d forget or toss-out anyway…but pretending to be an “egg-spy private eye” was always a fun Easter game of mine). In the middle of my peep session, I’d eventually hear my parents stirring upstairs. Before bolting back upstairs to my bedroom, I’d pocket a chocolate egg from my basket. Once back in my room, I’d eagerly await for Dad to yell up to Whitney and I: “Girls! Happy Easter! Breakfast!” Ah. It’s time. I’d pop the chocolate egg in my mouth, rub my eyes to make them look a little red, and head down stairs like I was non the wiser.
And there, on the couch, the most wonderful, glorious Easter surprise.: my family.

Now that I live away from home, my Easter’s are a bit different--but that same sense of excitement from my memory is still with me, even when my family is else-where. This Easter, I planned a picnic, followed by a grand adventure. I started cooking for the picnic the day before and goodness did I make quite the feast if I do say so myself. And no worries, naturally, I took pictures of everything. The menu is as follows: (alright...it goes "as follows" as soon as I upload the pictures...hang in there. Let's continue on for now.)


And what about the grand adventure you ask? Well--Michael, myself and a few incoming friends sat down with the Goonies themselves and raided a pirate ship. Sure, we were technically in a living room, but surround sound does wonders for an imagination and I’m going to stick with my story: I was definitely there WITH the Goonies.

Holiday’s can be wonderful. They can just as easily suck, too. Some people will say they are unnecessary; a highly bankable production for Hallmark and Churches. And true, they tend to become an exhibition of gross affluence, or a cruel reminder of lack there of. But, as I am sure everyone has heard at some point in their lives--it comes down to realizing the people in your life who you love, and celebrating that love. A holiday is a good time to assess a few things: what is important in your life? What makes you happy, and what can you do to help those you love also be happy? The cool thing about having a holiday to figure those answer out is that after the holiday, you can continue putting that love to use. If you don’t quite manage to answer them--well, it’s never too late to show love to people as if it were Christmas, or Easter, or Thanksgiving.
Personally, I did not talk to my sister like I should have on Easter, so this week--I have to catch up on some holiday cheer-spreading.

All in all, a wonderful Easter. I hope yours was just as happy.